Ebook Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew Sherrie Eldridge 9780440508380 Books

Product details Paperback 222 pages Publisher Delta; Reissue edition (October 12, 1999) Language English ISBN-10 044050838X

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew Sherrie Eldridge 9780440508380 Books Reviews

• As an adult adoptee I had heard about this book but ignored it until recently. A new friend who is a foster/adoptive mother told me about how much she loved this book - life changing she said. I had to read it. I am putting this book right up with The Primal Wound as a MUST READ book for adoptees, adoptive parents, first parents and anyone considering adoption. In actuality, it should also be read by anyone who loves an adoptee.
  
  It's a shame that I didn't read this book years ago; it might have saved me and others in my life a lot of heartache. I also wish that I could have given this to any man I ever had a relationship with. My parents really could have used this book - although I have a feeling they would have been like some of the reviewers who don't see the value because their kids are perfectly fine. Many adoptees are "perfectly fine". We're the best kids you could ever hope for, but we are dying inside. I thought of my birth family, especially my natural mother every single day of my life and my parents had no idea. I would never, ever have told them that I was unhappy, grieving, or that I wanted to know even the slightest detail about my birthfamily. I knew better than to say anything that would have hurt them. I would rather have suffered in silence than hurt my parents. Like most adoptees, I waited until my parents had both passed away, only to find my birthmom had already passed away herself.
  
  Even if you think that your adopted child is perfectly fine and that your family is A-Okay, what harm would it do to be educated about what the majority of adoptees are going through? If you really, truly love your adopted child then read this book.
  
  If you're adopted, read this book!! You will really understand yourself so much better. It's been an enormous help to me. Like I said, I wish that I had read this years ago. This will stay in my personal library and I will re-read it several more times I am sure.
• Provocative, disputed depending on one's experience or perspective, but still thought provoking and very valuable.
  
  Appears grounded in the author's own experience. Research/theory cited, but also a personal reflection on the author's experience.
  But if the issue is relevant or of interest to you, this is a reasonable text. It is thorough, structured and informally, conversationally written.
  
  It does take a problem identification approach and thus comes across negative and to such an extent one may even seriously reconsider adopting a child of any age. (I'm beginning the process to adopt with a focus on older children/youth/teenagers and it scared me a bit.) I think that would be unfortunate, actually tragic.
  
  I don't think that is an outcome the author intends. I think she intends to be realistic and thorough as opposed to negative and discouraging and is fundamentally pro-adoption.
  
  There are some practical suggestions that should be avoided. While art and art therapy is evidenced based as being very helpful and facilitating, instructing a young child for a task to draw a picture of her/himself and then draw a hole in the center to visualize the psychological and relational hole in her fundamental self and life circumstance and personal history is really not supportable. If a child produces that kind of picture(s), unsolicited, that is clinical content and should be treated as such.
  
  My position is a family, whatever that structure looks like, but it always is fundamentally constructed of one established adult who is committed and connected in a permanent, loving, relational, reliable, expressive way to the child/youth and their safety, healing and growth, unconditionally, is ALWAYS better than a group home and foster care.
  
  I would read this as a 'for consideration or general awareness' in terms of some of the challenges that MAY arise for some adopted children, but possibly not for all children. There are just too many intervening and influencing factors, including the fundamental personality, psychology, and specific pre/post adoption experience of the adopted child/adult, as well as you, the adopting parent, whoever you are. All in all, a solid book addressing some powerful issues.
• Though this is an informative book I felt guilty while reading it because I adopted my two children around 28-30 years ago when adoption was romanticized and you didn't give your kids an opportunity to grieve the fact that they were given up by their birthmother. 'Don't think my daughter has major issues from her closed adoption but, then again, her birthparents looked for her and found her! I do, however, think my grown son has issues related to his adoption but he is quiet and has never mentioned them. I would HIGHLY recommend this book to those who are adopting children today, no matter what age they are when adopted!!!
• Gathered some insights but a ridiculously negative take on adoption. I do not recommend for a new adoptive parent.
• My wife and I both read the book. The author has one main point which she examines from a number of different vantages. That key point is that all adopted children have a pain or a void, a feeling of being abandoned, that will likely manifest itself in a myriad of different ways such as anger, depression, etc. She maintains that this is the case even if a child has never expressed any pain or doubts about the adoption. Our own child has known about their adoption from the beginning and never expressed any concerns. However, after reading the book we can see signs that there is some insecurity on their part. In little ways there were signs that there was something deeper (the feeling of abandonment). We're exploring that now.
  
  I gave the book 4 stars. Some might give it 5. I value what the book says but feel it could have been better organized and possibly better summarized in places. Overall, if you have an adopted child I recommend you purchase and read this book. You might be surprised about what your own children are going through and not saying anything.
• If you are at all involved in adoption - care giver, adoptee, social worker, counselor, friend - then read this. This one book will equip you with the ability to unpack your own thoughts on the matter, as well as care for those who are involved with greater empathy.